3:30 am and after laying in bed thinking of writing you i finally get up to do so. I had a bad dream.. in this dream I did pass.. but not of the cancer but in a tornado.. (crazy hu) I wonder, could it be a symbol of the tornado of things going through my head? Curt says I sometimes talk like I'm certain I'm gonna die.. I say, I finally realized... we all will pass sometime and for all of you who know me.. I need things to be in order.. :-@ will I get it all done?? I'll get damn close. :-) be it now or 40 years from now.. I also told him.. it was a bad enough shocker when we found out about the cancer and I feel like as long as I stay prepared.. IF the news ever comes (and we pray that it won't) where they put a "time" on my life... I feel like I might could deal with it a little better. I guess not to let my guard down.. (hope that makes sense) what haunts me ... this morning is my dr.'s appt. today. I found out that all the news about the numbness was new news to the cancer dr. and they scheduled me an immediate appointment for this week. I think it's all of the "What If''s" going through my head. I'm not a negative person.. or try not to be.. it's just for the most part.. my latest MRI's and test have turned out to be pretty good news... and... well... I want to stay on this "winning streak". One of my biggest worries is now that I'm done with radiation the only treatment left would be chemo.. I'm strong and know I can handle it.. but I guess I've set myself up to be so scared to do it.. I've made it worse.
Hu.. I'll be darn.. I'm sittin here now and my head is done.. I may even be able to go back to sleep.. you see how great this blog is.. I'm able to come here.. share.. and clear whats on my head. Plus I don't have to wake Curt up this early for one of those emotional moments. Thank you all for listening. I'll get back with you today after the Dr. appt. Say a prayer (I know you will) love Debbie.
4 comments:
I hope your appointment goes good at the doctors today and you can kind of put your mind at ease for a little bit. Glad to hear that Chey is feeling better and was able to get some of those emotions out as well. I'm sure this is alot for a little girl to handle, but with great parents and a great support system she will be able to get those emotions out and cope better during this difficult time. My heart really goes out to you and your family. I can't even begin to imagine how scared you must be feeling. As always my prayers are with you. You will get through this! You are strong, you can beat this!
Stephanie
My daughter cheers at SOT and we are praying for you and your family daily. Thanks so much for this wonderful blog. You are an encouragement to all with your strength and honesty regarding your daily trials. You amaze me everyday with your great outlook and attitude. Keep it up. It's all in the attitude!!!
OK, I'm going to comment about "Sleepless in Ben Wheeler" (love the title) and your Mud Bog info!!
I'm glad you feel so comfortable posting on your blog, I'm even gladder (is that a word??) that it helps you relax and unravel all the thoughts/emotions you have. I am thinking about you at your Dr. visit!!
About the Mud Bog...YES...you've definately been living your life right! You are a super person and so loved by so many and we all want to show you support in different ways.
You are strong and you can handle anything that's thrown at ya! Keep believe'n and writing to us - it's great "therapy" for all!! Love ya Girl!!
I am thinking about you and the family!! hope all goes well at the doctor. I just wanted to let you know that you are a great person!!! You make me what to be a better person. You are a wonderful mom and wife and not to metion friend the world needs a few more DEBBIES it would be a much better place!!! Always remember that i BELIEVE in you and love you!!! See you next weekend I can't wait!!!
Post a Comment