Thursday's Dr. Visit

Today was ok.. no tumors found.. :-) I was nervous he would "feel" something the MRI's weren't showing. Especially because of the numbness and hemorrhoids. The neurologist ordered a CT of the brain, which the cancer Dr. wants me to keep. This is the only part that hasn't been scanned. I'm all for it... so if it was there we wouldn't be waiting until something happened. He he did say he'd refer me to another neurologist since I wasn't comfortable with this one.. and NOT to do the Spinal Tap at this time.. (amen) I realized today when talking with a friend that most of us still don't understand about my cancer. The type I have will never go away.. there's no tumor to remove.. the cancer cells are in the soft tissue and are very aggressive.. so it will be constantly watched and treated.. that's why every dr. appt. makes me nervous as to what they will find or what their treatment plan will be. And that there are only 4 of my type cancer in the world.. i'm basically a case study. But still positive. :-)
I made it through VBS but had to miss a couple of 1/2 days due to dr. appts. it was so much fun and I feel like I accomplished a goal of mine to get through it in good health. Thank you Donna for inviting me and "believing" in me that I would and could get through it.

Sleepless in Ben Wheeler

3:30 am and after laying in bed thinking of writing you i finally get up to do so. I had a bad dream.. in this dream I did pass.. but not of the cancer but in a tornado.. (crazy hu) I wonder, could it be a symbol of the tornado of things going through my head? Curt says I sometimes talk like I'm certain I'm gonna die.. I say, I finally realized... we all will pass sometime and for all of you who know me.. I need things to be in order.. :-@ will I get it all done?? I'll get damn close. :-) be it now or 40 years from now.. I also told him.. it was a bad enough shocker when we found out about the cancer and I feel like as long as I stay prepared.. IF the news ever comes (and we pray that it won't) where they put a "time" on my life... I feel like I might could deal with it a little better. I guess not to let my guard down.. (hope that makes sense) what haunts me ... this morning is my dr.'s appt. today. I found out that all the news about the numbness was new news to the cancer dr. and they scheduled me an immediate appointment for this week. I think it's all of the "What If''s" going through my head. I'm not a negative person.. or try not to be.. it's just for the most part.. my latest MRI's and test have turned out to be pretty good news... and... well... I want to stay on this "winning streak". One of my biggest worries is now that I'm done with radiation the only treatment left would be chemo.. I'm strong and know I can handle it.. but I guess I've set myself up to be so scared to do it.. I've made it worse.
Hu.. I'll be darn.. I'm sittin here now and my head is done.. I may even be able to go back to sleep.. you see how great this blog is.. I'm able to come here.. share.. and clear whats on my head. Plus I don't have to wake Curt up this early for one of those emotional moments. Thank you all for listening. I'll get back with you today after the Dr. appt. Say a prayer (I know you will) love Debbie.

Wuz up

Today Chey was better.. we met with our pastor for lunch.. she talked a little... course i wanted her to get it all out and be over it .. thats just me.. i think she'd do good with a lady.. dang if she isn't like me in so many ways.. (ya'll quit shaking your heads) i'm starting her blog.. :-) her friend invited her to spend the night tonight.. she was thrilled.. i'm thinking her getting out of the house is good for her.. it is so quiet here.. not sure what to do with myself.. but kinda enjoy it.. can't remember the last time i had alone time.. course i can't do it for long periods of time.. I'll drive myself crazy and love to talk to others to much. thank you all for your suggestions for chey.. tomorrow will be my visit with the cancer dr. it could be a long day .. they are squeezing me in which could be an all day affair.. i'll keep you posted. pray for good news.. love deb

Asking for help

Quick update on me... Radiation dr. wasn't happy i was seeing a chiropractor. so i called cancer dr. today.. they squeezed in an appt for this Thur. kinda glad.. maybe i'll get directed to appropriate dr for numbness.. i pray not back to the nerve dr.

Chey has started expressing her emotions.. she started crying last night.. why, why does my family have to go through this.. blaming herself, she said she didn't want to leave my side.. i talked her into going to VBS.. tonight she threw herself on the bed started crying and told her friend at least your parents don't have cancer.. OMG.. what do I do.. her sisters went home today so i'm sure she has relied on them being here to keep her mind off things.. she got very emotional about them leaving as well. there isn't a child counselor through Am. Cancer Society.. I'm going to email our pastor.. I know she needs to talk to someone just gotta find the right person she trust.. she's really smart.. i can't explain how bad this hurts my heart for her.. any suggestions right now would be extremely helpful.. I know you guys will come through for me.. Please pray for her.. I'm thinking about starting a second blog page for her.. she isn't a great typist but reads far beyond her level.. then she won't have to share or see all that I write and can get messages on her page from you guys.. I'll let you know.

Hi there

Hey there.. thanks for all the great comments.. sorry I'm late getting to you we took the girls to the beach this weekend for their last hooorah before they go home. They had a great time, so it was worth it.. the drive time and sitting for so long.. not so good.. but I did it! We did stop in New Caney and stay with my brother (Johnny) and his wife (Carolyn) to help cut the trip up a little.. Thank you guys for letting us invade your house. Tonight... rest.. and tomorrow starts my character as a "lifeguard" for Vacation Bible School the theme is "Surfin through the scriptures" you know i get into my character so when we got home this evening.. I was collecting all my "get up" to play my character. :-) I love connecting with the kiddos.. I think we feed off each other. Monday will be a busy day for me.. I'll update you Mon. night or Tues. morning.. hope you all had a great weekend. Love Debbie

On my nerves

Ok, the nerve Dr... can't find anything causing the numbness.. he gave me 2 options.. but weighed heavily on his first choice.. put me in the hospital take "protein from my back" sounds really scary.. and of course I'm sure very expensive.. other option which he wasn't interested was steroids to help the swelling go down.. his last words were... some Dr.'s would tell you to suck it up.. I swear he said this.. I left kinda angry then just realizing this wasn't working for me. I've been wanting to try a chiropractor.. so I went directly to one a friend Kelly referred me to.. he was very nice, I feel very confident he may be able to do something.. I go to see him tomorrow.. Wish me luck. :-) and of course I'll keep you posted.

Medical News

Boy I've been busy writing today.. be sure to scroll down and read all 3 post today. :-) So Mon. I had radiation.. went smoothly.. Dr. says the MRI from Friday didn't show any cancer. :-) praise the lord.. today, Tues. I decided for my on sanity to go to the clinic and have a Dr. confirm my self diagnosed hemorrhoids.. get this.. he's a 17 year cancer survivor.. He confirms and explains in more detail why I'm not healing as soon as I think I should and why the meds may not be working... I get it!!! he also said radiation was a lot harder on his body than chemo.. and if after a month after radiation they are still as bad as they are now.. I should talk to a surgeon about having them removed. So Wed. I go for my 4th radiation treatment, then the nerve Dr. where he'll discuss what he finds from Friday's MRI.. so now your up to speed.. guess you can tell by the way I've been writing today.. that I'm in good spirits.. dealing with my numbness and other ailments day by day and moving on.. I continue to BELIEVE thanks to the support of you guys and the good lord.

Last Weekend

We had a great weekend.. we visited, played games and went out in the boat for a couple of hours.. the family had a great time. Sun. we went to church.. what an experience.. you see, I love praise and worship.. so I went to early service at VUMC and low and behold they played my favorite song "Here I am to Worship" course I started crying.. Curt teared up a little.. but was strong for me and the family.. I had several good conversations with friends and members from there. Then we went to visit Colfax Baptist Church.. Curt was born and raised Baptist and I want us to be together as a family.. this was our second visit to the church. By the middle of the service.. both Curt and I had a meltdown.. by the end.. our whole family was crying.. but it was cleansing.. we prayed and the church prayed with us.. it was very emotional but good. There are not enough words to describe.. but I bet you get the picture..

What's coming up..

Ok, so you know if I'm feeling good I'm up for anything and I'm not going to let it get me down unless I'm just in to much pain.. so.. here's what I got goin on.. I have a nerve dr. appt. Wed. I seriously doubt there will be a rush to do anything for the numbness this week. My stepdaughters are down till next Thur. and since I haven't been able to plan them a big summer like I usually do.. we are going to try to make it up to the beach for this weekend. THEN next week I've been asked to be the Assembly Leader at Vacation Bible School again.. this will be the 3rd year.. I love it because I get to be a character, sing and act crazy.. helping the kiddos enjoy VBS. AND I'm coaching 3rd and 4th grade pee wee cheerleading.. once again.. me being me with the girls.. I really get into this.. and again as long as my health let's me... I'm there!! I have 13 girls this year.. perfect number to spoil them and have fun.. and of course Cheyenne will be on the team.. (that's the whole point) :-) I love having things to keep my mind busy and not just sitting at home..

No new news on Friday

So Friday has come and gone.. (almost) no news from the MRI.. it'll be next week. Lets us our prayers this weekend for no signs of cancer growing.. I've heard from a lot of you regarding my emotional note the other day.. sorry if i made you cry.. but that's how we do it without breaking down on each other.. I've heard from a lot of you that you don't like posting for others to read or that your to emotional.. remember for as much as you check this for an update.. so do I for support and my therapy.. :-) remember I have an email address if you don't want to go public with your comments.. I love hearing from you and check the blog frequently as well.. For those who comment frequently.. they NEVER get old.. :-) my email address is cdsallee@peoplepc.com I have radiation on Monday at 8:45.. I hope and pray to get some answers so I can let down my "worries" for a day or so. Hope you and your family enjoy a wonderful weekend together.. don't forget to "take it all in". Love Deb

Shock and awe.. I mean ouch!

Neurologist visit.. yikes that hurt.. needles and shock in the leg.. and needles in the middle of my back.. OMG!! results show some nerve damage in my right leg.. shocks were sent up my leg and are suppose to go to my spinal cord and come back.. they weren't returning. unable to know the cause or if treatable at this time.. until the MRI tomorrow morning.. probably won't know anyting until next week.. my appt. is scheduled for next Wed. I know I'm on all of your prayer list and ask for a little special praying that this is just inflamation in the pelvic area and not the cancer on my nerves. I've been all worked up about the MRI.. it'll be 45 min. and I didn't think I was claustrophobic but I'm showing signs... I can and will do this.. get it over with and have a good weekend.. Thank all of you for willing me to BELIEVE and be strong. Love Deb

Wednesday's "Special"

I'm very nervous on what they may find in the test today and tomorrow. I'm worried about ending up in the hospital or something.. Just as I panicked and went to Disneyland... I started to do so this week. Yesterday turned into a "bucket list" if you will. I took Chey to get a couples massage. She'd been wanting to do it for a while... She was thrilled smiling from ear to ear and enjoyed it so much. It was a beautiful experience. Next would be dancing and time with Curt. When we first met, country dancing was our thing.. I can only explain it as beautiful, it was like no one else was around.. and us bonding as one as we'd glide across the floor. Kinda like that saying dance like no ones watching.. but I do believe people did watch us dance. Course we were both tired from the day and didn't have the strength to go to a club.. My mother in law took the girls to see a movie.. so we stayed home.. reminisced, cried, laughed and danced in our own living room.. it was more romantic and beautiful than I can ever put into words.. and yes.. I'm crying as I'm writing this.. but only to let you know how wonderful my life, my husband and my family are and how lucky I am to have these moments. Again, I'm telling you this so you can hopefully sit back and realize in your own life what you have, what's most important and take it in.. Don't wait until you have to look at things through a different colored glasses.. Thank you Curtis for such a special evening.. I love you with all my heart. Deb

My Stars Are Changing :-)

The other night, Curt and I were sitting on the porch visiting. I was looking out into the trees daydreaming I guess and something caught my eye. There was a star in the tree.. I looked closer and saw it was a yellow leaf.. the only yellow leaf on the tree. I thought for a minute and showed it to Curt.. telling him, look "my stars are changing" :-) I had to take a picture and share with you. I have to BELIEVE it's a sign of good things to come. And when the leaf falls, you can bet I get it and keep it. You know I think there are signs around us all the time.. we just don't take the time to see them. Take a moment each day to enjoy the world around you. Love Deb

Sorry I Left Ya Hanging

Hey there.. I'm so sorry I left you guys hanging. Past few days have been tough. Monday's radiation was ok.. laying on the table for a lengthy time was hard. My radiation Dr. got an appt. w/the neurologist the same day. He's gonna have to run test to figure out the numbness. Guess what, another MRI (ugh) the MRI from Fri. night ER didn't include a pelvic scan.. Oh, and you guys know how my Friday's go... My MRI's scheduled for Friday. Thur. I'll have an EMG where they will be testing my nerves to see if they can find something. So how bad is the numbness... Right side of right foot and calf.. it's a tingling numbness.. and entire pelvic area with no tingle.. just numb.. having trouble telling when I need to go to the bathroom.. somehow I still have control.. (thank god) I woke up this morning trying positive affirmation.. I'm about 70/30 at this time.. believing myself about 30%. I'll hopefully get there but I'm working really hard at it. So what's my schedule like.. Wed. radiation (a.m) Thur. neurologist (afternoon) Fri. MRI (7 am) kinda crazy.. guess I'll be going another week without knowing what's going on.

Short and Sweet

Hey there. Hope you all had a good weekend. I'm getting ready to go for my next round of radiation this morning so I gotta make this short.. I'll get back with you later today.. Promise. I visited the ER on Friday night numbness in several areas.. had to get an MRI (whew interesting) instead of keeping me through the weekend they decided to schedule an appt. this week with an EMG (think that's right) basically a nerve dr. Pretty scary on my part.. Todays radiation will be several hours.. they are implanting the seeds. Keep me in your prayers as I know you are. Thank you. Deb

I love you guys!

Today seems to be a better day.. I worry about what my body is going through right now.. can't help but worry it's the cancer. I've got a numbing/tingle in my right foot and have frequent shooting pains through the lower abdominal area and of course the usual pain in the bootie. I'm holding tight from calling the Dr. because I'll see the radiation Dr. on Monday. That's when I start my next round of radiation. I'm sure he'll do a check on me. My next CT Scan won't be until end of August as well my next meeting with my Cancer Dr. that will be when my radiation treatment will be done and we'll see what the next course of action will be.
I want to tell you all how much I love you, I love your friendship and I love your prayers.. It's like a marriage.. I don't think I tell you enough.. :-) Even on my hardest days one or several of you guys reach out to me with a special call, text, email or write me here on the blog... and they come at the most perfect time.. you all touch me in a special way ... those who know me and those who are getting to know me by my blog. I/we appreciate it so much and are blessed to have you here for support. Thank you.

Watch Pot Never Boils

I've sooo been looking forward to getting some relief from these hemorrhoids since my last radiation. Last week I made excuses as to why I still had them.. my body needed time to recover from the radiation. This week.. I thought any day now. Last night I was up late, soaking in the tub, praying and crying.. I know people get these all the time.. but is there an end.. I'm deep into a month now and I just want to be able to walk normally from place to place. Plan a day out of this house and not worry these will get me down or I'll get stuck in a public bathroom. I'm calling my dr. today to see if there is anything i haven't tried.. in hopes a little relief is in site.. I start radiation again on July 14. Thanks for being here for me to vent to.. I'll keep you posted. Debbie

Talks not cheap :-)

Ahhh.. no getting up and heading to Tyler for radiation.. that's really nice.. hung out in my scrappy clothes most of the day.. should have been cleaning the dang house and washing clothes.. but I think maybe tomorrow.. Cassie (my stepdaughter) has really stepped up and helped out.. I'm really tired of this continious pain in my (you know what) I've got every cream you can imagine.. just working through it a day at a time. Curt and I had a good visit this evening.. sharing our feelings and emotions about it all.. don't know what sparked it ... we've just been living the day to day.. and realized tonight how much is on our minds that we avoid talking about and should be talking about together.. this could be a new opening for us.. sharing our feelings and emotions regularly and not being scared to talk about it.. note to all couples.. talk.. it's very rewarding.

4th of July Weekend

Hello.. hope this finds you all doing well. We're having a great 4th weekend. Enjoying visiting with my family from Houston and local. We've been in the pool a couple of times.. kids I don't think have got out yet.. (there good and tender) (haha) Men are mudbogging this evening and us women are watching old sappy movies.. (The Notebook, Steel Magnolias, etc.) They are such good old movies.. :-) Still having my little side effect.. on a scale from 1-10 I'd say I'm at a 7 which is better than the 10 I've been suffering from. I pray this is a sign of good things to come. I'm off until 7/14 before I start my next radiation.. Dr. says they rarely see side effects. I'll have 5 treatments 2 a week. Keep safe.. Happy 4th of July.. I'll talk to you soon. Love always. Debbie

After effects of radiation

Ok, I'm now getting the after effects of radiation. I am soooo darn tired. I think I could sleep a whole day. I know that would probably be ok but I struggle to think I'm giving in or wasting a day. My OBGYN called in meds for my hemorrhoids it seems to be helping a little.. but each time I go it's a huge strain and takes a lot of energy. It's hard for me because I'm even to tired to smile.. and I try to put on this happy face.. I just know everyone sees right through it.. I hate not being me.. I'll keep praying to get better and maybe give in and take that long nap. Thank you for your prayers.. Love Debbie

Tues. June 1st

I'm off for 2 weeks!! It was nice not having to get up early this morning to head to treatments.:-) Pretty tired today so I'm thinking about taking a lil nap. It can't hurt to give in a little bit. Don't have a lot of big plans for the 4th but I don't mind. Your prayers have been good for me and our family.. I'm so thankful. I'm hoping over the next 2 weeks the side effects will calm down a little and I can get my strength back to be 100% me.. wishful thinking.. maybe but.. it could happen. Thanks for checking in.. i'll keep you posted on the progress.. Love Debbie