How I'm feeling..

Hi all.. today is the last treatment for 2 weeks. yea! I'm excited and nervous.. the radiation will continue doing it's job... but no Dr.'s for 2 weeks scary. I need to share with you what happened last week. Last Mon. a very sweet lady who's husband is going through chemo, radiation the whole thing... comes up to me and says how much she enjoys my smile when I walk into the room and how I greet people with a positive attitude. I thanked her and invited her to sit down. We talked a bit.. her husband has a huge fight down the road.. i told her about my cancer and the side effects i'm having now. bladder infection and hemmeroids .. she said your lucky.. she's right.. what I'm going through right now.. I am lucky.. it don't make the pain better... but then when she left the room.. that ton of bricks hit me and reminded me I have cancer. I've been showing up everyday and not even thinking about what I'm showing up for.. it's just something i have to do and i do it.. last week was a lot of quiet time in my mind and tears now and then.. it's like it the worrying started all over.. and odley enough Curt shared the same feelings.. I'm sure this is normal.. and we are staying strong.. so say a few prayers for us.. to help lift us during this time. I'm leaving now for that last appt. I'll talk to you soon. Love Deb

Spirit of Tyler Cheer Camp

I was excited.. maybe even more than Cheyenne. I hadn't been to cheer camp in years.. or should I say decades.. (haha) 60+ girls in all. 13 in Chey's youth team from ages 6-12. We spent 3 nights and 3 1/2 days there. Up around 8:00 bed around 12 midnight.. (not kidding) I know why I'm tired but I have no regrets. The gift I was given was to be there with Chey.. and watch her from a distance interact with the girls, learn new dances, and show off whenever possible :-) (that's my girl) I see myself looking through a different pair of glasses now. Moments that I use to take for granted everyday are now very precious (you moms know what I mean) The picture to the left is crazy bow night.. Chey won with several other girls for her bow.. and or course she "worked it". My proudest and most joyful moment was the last night when Chey won an overall award that sent me into tears.. she won the "Whole Heart" award. Putting her whole heart into camp, never meeting a stranger and participating with her whole heart. I cry now just telling you.. The whole experience is a blessing and memory to last a long time.

Hello my friends

Thanks so much for continuing to write! I thought I'd come back to this site as abandoned as I had left it.. I apologize for leaving you for a few days.. I chose to spend my time with Chey at cheer camp. One to spend it with her and two for my love of cheerleading... I got the best of both. I choose to continue living my dreams and not let this cancer stop me. Yes, I'm exhausted.. yes, I'm still in pain.. that sometimes can make me cry and take me to the ground. Was it worth it. YES.. every minute of it.. You'll be proud of me.. I laid around most of the day and believe it or not I'm planning on going to bed in a few minutes. I promise to catch you up on everything tomorrow. I'm a little nervous about Friday's treatment as it's Friday again and the last one wasn't so good to me. However, I have to look at the good side.. Monday will be my last one for 2 weeks!!!! I told them I wanted confetti, bells and whistles on Monday to celebrate.. of couse they laughed.. which means I still have my since of humor and can still make people laugh. :-) I love you guys and appreciate your support more than you will ever know.

Next episode..

Treatments. 25 of my daily treatments that I'm doing now. That ends on the 30th. I get a 2 WEEK BREAK. (yea!) then the HDR (High Dose Radiation) begins. They go in and plant seeds internally. The good news is.. I only go 2 maybe 3 times a week. I'll know more about that next week. So Friday comes and goes again.. I either have a bladder infection or radiation is taking its toll on me. Probably both.. it is severely painful to go to the bathroom for either event.. My 40's are showing my age.. I think I'm fixing to have to start using a "pill box" (haha) I'm noticing areas of the skin being treated are turning very dark.. just givin ya the 411 on everything. I'm happiest when I'm staying busy and getting Chey ready for camp has definately done that.. :-) camp starts tomorrow at 9:30. I'll keep you posted. Love to all.. Debbie

Thur.'s Dr. Appt.

Not much to report.. he said he miscalculated when I'd be done with my radiation.. he wrote me a prescription for something better for the problems I'm having.. we'll see how that goes.. he'll be revisiting me in 6 weeks and a ct scan will be ordered.. i was a little upset because that seems so long and all that I've read was how fast this kind of cancer grew.. he didn't seem worried about it... and I am going through radiation which if it's doing it's job nothings growing.. right.. so no bad news.. that's good.. Sorry to keep you all waiting.. talk to you soon. Debbie

Being Honest

Hey all.. things are going pretty good.. i gotta tell ya though.. it hasn't all been a bed of roses lately. Curt says I share way to much with you guys, but you wouldn't be checking in if you didn't want to know.. right? ANYWAYS, had a scare last weekend with a little bleeding.. scared me and I immediately called the dr. they said it could be hemorrhoids, side effects from the radiation or the cancer.. seeing how I'm a "BELIEVER"... i'm going with number one option.. :-) This pain sometimes will put me in tears.. (seriously) Prep H didn't work.. the nurse gave me something else to try today.. it isn't as bad as the Prep so I'm gonna continue to use it and see how it does.. dr.s act like this is a pretty normal thing.. so Thur. tomorrow.. Meeting with cancer dr. I'm glad.. I would love some more reassurance.. although no CT scan lately I may learn what his next course of action will be after my 25th radiation treatment on the 30th.. and maybe just maybe he can confirm the problem I've been having isn't cancer.. So for those of you who don't know me very well, I'm a pretty open person.. and I'm sorry if I have shared to much information... for those of you who know me well... (quit shaking your head and laughing at me) My appointment is at 1:30 tomorrow.. It'll probably be tomorrow evening before I get to post anything.. Say a little prayer. Love you all. Debbie

Tues. 6/17

I had a busy day today and loved it.. usually I head to Tyler for radiation and back home or lollygag around since I'm in Tyler.. today I served a purpose.. helping get things ready for Cheys big Spirit of Tyler cheer camp she'll be attending this next week.. although I shopped till I dropped this afternoon.. (haha) it makes a HUGE difference to have a task to do something to help someone. the things you do at home are expected... not that they arn't appreciated.. those are more chores so I seem to avoid them at any cost.. I thinking I really need to get a job.. but the past 2 days at the Cancer Center, I've observed just how many elderly people have elderly cargivers and how hard it is for them to get them in and out of the cars.. yesterday a lady asked my nephew if he would help her husband get in his van.. he physically had to lift him and put him in the van. they were so appreciative.. I was so sad for them.. so I'm wondering if volunteers including me.. could hang out there and help patients or if there would be some legal thing we'd have to worry about... guess I'll be checking that out when I look up and go to the group meeting.. Have a great day.. i'll talk to you soon. Love always. Debbie ((((you)))) (means hugs) Chey told me to add this :-)

Mon. 16th

Hope everyone had a great fathers day weekend. We did a lot of chillin :-) very refreshing.. after Friday's treatment the rest of the weekend seemed to go ok.. Guess that thing about getting rest is true.. I'm considering checking into the cancer group meetings... a friend recommended that I go.. she said I could be just what the rest of the group needs.. (and the other way around) I like the idea.. not to mention I love meeting new people. I think I've been avoiding it.. thinking it was only for the people who needed counseling or that maybe there's a little denial in me.. (more than I probably care to admit) I'll keep you posted on this one. Thanks for reading.. talk to you soon. Love Debbie

Fridays

It seems like each Friday the radiation takes a little toll on me. 1st Friday I noticed being a little tired, 2nd frequent the bathroom a little more.. today the 3rd week, more pit stops to the bathroom, a little nauseous and shortly after the radiation treatment today I had this feeling like my body had been shocked a little.. if you've ever been shocked on the hand or finger how you feel afterwards.. little tingly or numb.. I'm doing ok, though.. appetite.. I'm always a good eater (proof is in the pudding, haha) little less hungry and wierd cravings.. hoping those vitamins start working for me pretty quick.. :-) learning and dealing as I go. I'm thinking these last couple of weeks of radiation may get a little rough. Keep up those prayers. I've received some great phone calls and messages through blog and emails that have really come at a good time for me. Thank you so much. I'll keep you all posted. I love you all. Deb

Eat, Sleep and be merry..

Who knew those words actually had meaning behind them.. Well, I started taking my vitamins today.. (yeah for Deb) I'm not the best of eaters (meat and taters girl) Dr.'s recommended I start taking them because of radiation.. AND who knew .. a good nights sleep gives me more energy the next day.. Hu.. that's my best brainstorming or computer time.. moms know this.. it's the best time.. kids asleep, dad's asleep... all is quiet in the house.. even when I'm in bed my heads running.. that's why I have a dry erase board in my room to get up and write those great ideas down.. so... I'm giving it a shot.. it couldn't hurt. :-) Radiation going ok.. this may be TMI but I frequent the bathroom more often.. so guess what... I've decided to repaint it.. change the scenery up a bit.. been wanting to do it.. now I'm more than ready... Talk to you again soon. Deb

Busy summer day

Hey all.. Had a busy day today.. radiation, checked my blood, weight (ha) after our visit to the dr. I took chey to see Kung Fu Panda.. cute movie.. didn't sleep well last night.. reason for being so tired today..making up for it today... I'm going to bed in just a few. Feeling ok, more frequent visits to the bathroom and occasional hot flash where I need a cool wash cloth. still ok. not use to being tired or considering a cat nap every once in a while.. I hope to spend tomorrow back home getting my things organizeed... I'll let you know how that goes. I'll check in with you tomorrow. Love and kisses..

Chey says - 6-10

Hey guys, thanks for being there for me. Thanks for keeping me happy with your comments. We just got our pictures from Disneyworld this is a fun picture with Mike W. from Monster's Inc. this was really fun I can't believe I did this. Love your friend Cheyenne.

After Dr. visit 6/9

My visit with Dr. Spencer was great! I love her.. she takes all the time I need to discuss everything and make me comfortable! (1) She didn't feel anything abnormal!!! (2) No restrictions (can swim, lift, etc.). (3) She explained how this cancer is more likely to restart in the same local area than others.. (could, but not as concerned) see, i was worried about every ache and pain being new cancer. I can't explain the relief I'm feeling!! I was afraid something was growing and nobody knew it. Think that was why I was so emotional. So I'm feeling good again.. at the top of the rollercoaster. :-) Once again proving that our prayers are working. I love you guys. Thank you.

Be Strong

Ok friends, SOS. I continue to remind myself to stay strong! Now I need definition.. because I feel like I'm failing. I question pains that shoot through my body or in the area it was found.. I panic in my head.. is that it?? is that the cancer somewhere else in my body.. I get irritated easily and then cry because I flew off the handle. (am I not being strong) It's said if you let cancer beat you it will.. but if you stay strong it can help you beat cancer.. are these things i'm going through showing signs of weakness or not being strong? The after effects of radiation start around 2-3 weeks, affecting organs in the area of treatment.. for me, include ovaries (hormones). So I'm reaching out for strength.. by tomorrow, I may be a cheerleader again.. (haha) your emails and postings keep my brain busy. Thank you for listening. Love Debbie

Hormones !! :-@

Oh my god.. i think it's hit. My mood changes every 5 minutes. (EVERY emotion you can imagine... lesser of them all is the happy go lucky me..) worse than PMS... I'm hoping Curt and Cheyenne can cope with this.. Glad I'm going to the Dr. tomorrow!! I've even gone back online looking up my diagnosis.. (done with that, i promise!) I fear the ones closest to me will suffer my temperments and not be able to understand or handle it.. I've become very vocal in my thoughts.. I feel like that movie "Liar Liar" :-) where if you ask me or I feel it... I say it. I read a quote at the end of my friend Shelly's email that makes me feel a little better about what I'm going through. it reads "Be who you are, say what you feel. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind". I pray for help with my emotions and strength for my friends to hang in there for me.

Half Empty or Half Full

Some might say I've only been through 8 treatments. Me, I'm sayin I'm 1/2 way there! Only 16 more before they decide what to do with me next. During my radiation, I find myself counting the seconds the machine stays on. wierd hu.. guess i'm wondering if each week i'll get more exposure.. my friend tells me I could experience a few side effects after a couple of weeks. A couple friend of ours (who we met during lamaze class 8 years ago) works at Tyler Cancer Center they greet me everyday, makes it easier to go, it's like dropping in to visit them at work. More truth to "theres a reason things happen" and a reason god brings certain people into your life. (now that's deep) You kinda get familiar with faces at the center too.. 1st couple of times starts with a smile and then conversation. Course me, I never meet a stranger.... but hesitant to ask right off the bat what kind of cancer they have, etc. Well, tonights been like a dear diary night.. hope you enjoy the read.. Love you all. Debbie