Thursday's Dr. Visit

Today was ok.. no tumors found.. :-) I was nervous he would "feel" something the MRI's weren't showing. Especially because of the numbness and hemorrhoids. The neurologist ordered a CT of the brain, which the cancer Dr. wants me to keep. This is the only part that hasn't been scanned. I'm all for it... so if it was there we wouldn't be waiting until something happened. He he did say he'd refer me to another neurologist since I wasn't comfortable with this one.. and NOT to do the Spinal Tap at this time.. (amen) I realized today when talking with a friend that most of us still don't understand about my cancer. The type I have will never go away.. there's no tumor to remove.. the cancer cells are in the soft tissue and are very aggressive.. so it will be constantly watched and treated.. that's why every dr. appt. makes me nervous as to what they will find or what their treatment plan will be. And that there are only 4 of my type cancer in the world.. i'm basically a case study. But still positive. :-)
I made it through VBS but had to miss a couple of 1/2 days due to dr. appts. it was so much fun and I feel like I accomplished a goal of mine to get through it in good health. Thank you Donna for inviting me and "believing" in me that I would and could get through it.

Sleepless in Ben Wheeler

3:30 am and after laying in bed thinking of writing you i finally get up to do so. I had a bad dream.. in this dream I did pass.. but not of the cancer but in a tornado.. (crazy hu) I wonder, could it be a symbol of the tornado of things going through my head? Curt says I sometimes talk like I'm certain I'm gonna die.. I say, I finally realized... we all will pass sometime and for all of you who know me.. I need things to be in order.. :-@ will I get it all done?? I'll get damn close. :-) be it now or 40 years from now.. I also told him.. it was a bad enough shocker when we found out about the cancer and I feel like as long as I stay prepared.. IF the news ever comes (and we pray that it won't) where they put a "time" on my life... I feel like I might could deal with it a little better. I guess not to let my guard down.. (hope that makes sense) what haunts me ... this morning is my dr.'s appt. today. I found out that all the news about the numbness was new news to the cancer dr. and they scheduled me an immediate appointment for this week. I think it's all of the "What If''s" going through my head. I'm not a negative person.. or try not to be.. it's just for the most part.. my latest MRI's and test have turned out to be pretty good news... and... well... I want to stay on this "winning streak". One of my biggest worries is now that I'm done with radiation the only treatment left would be chemo.. I'm strong and know I can handle it.. but I guess I've set myself up to be so scared to do it.. I've made it worse.
Hu.. I'll be darn.. I'm sittin here now and my head is done.. I may even be able to go back to sleep.. you see how great this blog is.. I'm able to come here.. share.. and clear whats on my head. Plus I don't have to wake Curt up this early for one of those emotional moments. Thank you all for listening. I'll get back with you today after the Dr. appt. Say a prayer (I know you will) love Debbie.

Wuz up

Today Chey was better.. we met with our pastor for lunch.. she talked a little... course i wanted her to get it all out and be over it .. thats just me.. i think she'd do good with a lady.. dang if she isn't like me in so many ways.. (ya'll quit shaking your heads) i'm starting her blog.. :-) her friend invited her to spend the night tonight.. she was thrilled.. i'm thinking her getting out of the house is good for her.. it is so quiet here.. not sure what to do with myself.. but kinda enjoy it.. can't remember the last time i had alone time.. course i can't do it for long periods of time.. I'll drive myself crazy and love to talk to others to much. thank you all for your suggestions for chey.. tomorrow will be my visit with the cancer dr. it could be a long day .. they are squeezing me in which could be an all day affair.. i'll keep you posted. pray for good news.. love deb

Asking for help

Quick update on me... Radiation dr. wasn't happy i was seeing a chiropractor. so i called cancer dr. today.. they squeezed in an appt for this Thur. kinda glad.. maybe i'll get directed to appropriate dr for numbness.. i pray not back to the nerve dr.

Chey has started expressing her emotions.. she started crying last night.. why, why does my family have to go through this.. blaming herself, she said she didn't want to leave my side.. i talked her into going to VBS.. tonight she threw herself on the bed started crying and told her friend at least your parents don't have cancer.. OMG.. what do I do.. her sisters went home today so i'm sure she has relied on them being here to keep her mind off things.. she got very emotional about them leaving as well. there isn't a child counselor through Am. Cancer Society.. I'm going to email our pastor.. I know she needs to talk to someone just gotta find the right person she trust.. she's really smart.. i can't explain how bad this hurts my heart for her.. any suggestions right now would be extremely helpful.. I know you guys will come through for me.. Please pray for her.. I'm thinking about starting a second blog page for her.. she isn't a great typist but reads far beyond her level.. then she won't have to share or see all that I write and can get messages on her page from you guys.. I'll let you know.

Hi there

Hey there.. thanks for all the great comments.. sorry I'm late getting to you we took the girls to the beach this weekend for their last hooorah before they go home. They had a great time, so it was worth it.. the drive time and sitting for so long.. not so good.. but I did it! We did stop in New Caney and stay with my brother (Johnny) and his wife (Carolyn) to help cut the trip up a little.. Thank you guys for letting us invade your house. Tonight... rest.. and tomorrow starts my character as a "lifeguard" for Vacation Bible School the theme is "Surfin through the scriptures" you know i get into my character so when we got home this evening.. I was collecting all my "get up" to play my character. :-) I love connecting with the kiddos.. I think we feed off each other. Monday will be a busy day for me.. I'll update you Mon. night or Tues. morning.. hope you all had a great weekend. Love Debbie

On my nerves

Ok, the nerve Dr... can't find anything causing the numbness.. he gave me 2 options.. but weighed heavily on his first choice.. put me in the hospital take "protein from my back" sounds really scary.. and of course I'm sure very expensive.. other option which he wasn't interested was steroids to help the swelling go down.. his last words were... some Dr.'s would tell you to suck it up.. I swear he said this.. I left kinda angry then just realizing this wasn't working for me. I've been wanting to try a chiropractor.. so I went directly to one a friend Kelly referred me to.. he was very nice, I feel very confident he may be able to do something.. I go to see him tomorrow.. Wish me luck. :-) and of course I'll keep you posted.

Medical News

Boy I've been busy writing today.. be sure to scroll down and read all 3 post today. :-) So Mon. I had radiation.. went smoothly.. Dr. says the MRI from Friday didn't show any cancer. :-) praise the lord.. today, Tues. I decided for my on sanity to go to the clinic and have a Dr. confirm my self diagnosed hemorrhoids.. get this.. he's a 17 year cancer survivor.. He confirms and explains in more detail why I'm not healing as soon as I think I should and why the meds may not be working... I get it!!! he also said radiation was a lot harder on his body than chemo.. and if after a month after radiation they are still as bad as they are now.. I should talk to a surgeon about having them removed. So Wed. I go for my 4th radiation treatment, then the nerve Dr. where he'll discuss what he finds from Friday's MRI.. so now your up to speed.. guess you can tell by the way I've been writing today.. that I'm in good spirits.. dealing with my numbness and other ailments day by day and moving on.. I continue to BELIEVE thanks to the support of you guys and the good lord.